separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
i think my cat just said my name.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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