Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
