he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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