My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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