you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
