Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
