The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
