Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
