You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I have fence marks all over my body
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
