went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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