if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
