yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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