According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I deserve this hangover.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
