I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
