he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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