I could make wine with my vomit
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
