i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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