how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
