The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
