Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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