Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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