No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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