My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
