Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
