Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
