Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
