I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
