Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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