she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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