I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
