Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
