i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize