He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
