No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
