Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
