How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
