I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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