We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
