my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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