Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
