I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
