can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
