only if we run a train.
done.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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