So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
