I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
