I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
