I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
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