If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
