I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Did you pee in the oven last night??
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
