Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
