He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
