Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
