Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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