There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
