Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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