also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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