fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
