i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Randomize
