WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
