I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He felt like a one man threesome
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
