Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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