hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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