I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
