Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
