Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize