after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
