he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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