his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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