Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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