After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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