and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
