Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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