the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
