If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Randomize
