i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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