Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
